Love in the Age of Disability: Dating Advice for Men With Disabilities
By Martin Jauregui, Freelance Writer

A man walks into a bar – actually, he can't walk into the bar because he's in a wheelchair. Instead, the bouncer at the door helps him in through the back entrance because the entrance in the front doesn't meet current ADA accessibility standards. Once he's in, he makes his way over to the bar to order a drink for his date but it takes the bartender a while to take his order because the bar obstructed his view of the wheelchair-bound man.

You thought you had it tough when it came to dating. Truthfully, most people will agree that dating is tough for everyone, but imagine being a person with a disability trying to find love in a world that often isn't very accommodating. Options and choices that are readily available to able-bodied people are often not available or not as enjoyable, for people with disabilities. Clubs, movies, or walks on the beach might not be the most viable date options.

People living with disabilities are left with two options when it comes to dating: don't date or be creative. Like any other situation in life that poses a problem for a person with a disability, dating can be looked at as a chance to show off what a person can do, not what they can't do.

There are several factors that men with disabilities should consider before setting out on a date:

• The first factor that should be addressed before an initial date is the disability, especially if it is an obvious one. Unless you met the person through a disabled dating service, it might be a good idea to reveal your disability early on, assuming of course that you have had time to get to know the person through some form of correspondence before the actual date. It isn't to say that the person will not go out with you should you reveal you are living with a disability, but the surprise factor is one you might want to avoid, especially on a first date.
• Make plans ahead of time to avoid any issues with accessibility. Once you have scheduled your date, one consideration might be to choose a place that is easily accessible or can provide accommodations for your disability. You should not limit yourself to only going to certain places or avoiding others, but you want to remember that it is a date and you want to enjoy yourself. The last thing you want to be dealing with is a restaurant that does not have access, or is not willing or able to make accommodations. Handle those issues ahead of time so you can focus on the date. A phone call to the management to let them know you will be visiting their establishment should give them enough time to resolve any issues that may present themselves.
• Break the ice. Nerves are a part of any date, regardless. Of course you don't want to overwhelm your date with some extravagant gift, or with too many jokes, but you definitely want to make sure that she feels comfortable being with you. Flowers always seem to do the trick.
  •Call it old-fashioned, but it is still acceptable for a man (with or without a disability) to pay for a date. It is a new century and some women prefer to pay for their part of a meal, or for part of a date, but most still find it a bit romantic when a man offers to pay. Not as romantic is a man who is willing to use his disability to earn a free meal.
• Conversation is key during any date. When is comes to dating someone with a disability though, the disability itself can dominate and sometimes ruin a date. Though you certainly should not have to avoid the conversation, you can definitely find creative ways to weave into your talks. Like anything else though, too much of anything is not good. Remember to make her the focus of the date, and if she asks questions, answer them. Curiosity is often a sign of genuine interest.

Before any of this happens though, you have to be willing to make the first move. Don't be afraid to ask a person out just because you are living with a disability. In fact, your disability can even work to your advantage, if you know how to use it properly. Ownership of your disability, through a good pick-up line or a funny joke, can help show that you are not limited by the disability.