In the 1980s, during the summer, I was an instructor for State University of New York College at Cortland for their 2 week Outdoor Practicum a course required for all Recreation and Leisure Studies majors. The students stayed at Camp Huntington on Raquette Lake in the Adirondacks which is owned by the College. During the first week students were taught outdoor skills they would use the following week. When the instruction was finished students were placed into groups of 8 to 10, assigned a staff member and then taken on a 6 day wilderness experience where they used the skills they had learned. Travel was almost always by canoe, portaging between lakes.
One summer I had a young woman assigned to my group who was legally blind. Prior to our trip she and I met privately to discuss what her expectations were for the experience. I had noticed while we were in camp she could be very defensive and abrasive at times when others tried to assist her. I felt she failed to grasp that they were only trying to help. She was very upfront with me about being allowed to do things herself. We agreed that I would not step in to help unless she asked for assistance. In return, she promised to do whatever I asked of her immediately and without hesitation. There were some potentially dangerous pitfalls on the route where immediate compliance might be necessary for safety.
The trip we devised would incorporate an opportunity for her to use as many of her senses as possible. We climbed down to Raquette Falls so she could feel the spray from the rapids on her face and listen to the roar of the water. We climbed a mountain called Ampersand near Middle Saranac Lake. The climb is very demanding and lasted several hours even for able-bodied individuals. The trip proved to be a great success and I remember to this day her telling me on the summit of Ampersand, “Now I know I can anything if I put my mind to it.”
The group on the top of Ampersand
How ironic that I now find myself in the same situation with people often offering to help me do whatever it is I’m trying to do. It’s been my observation almost everyone’s gestures are well intended. Most want to convey their empathy, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that. They don’t realize their effort could be misinterpreted as, “I don’t think you can do things for yourself”; for example, when a waitress asks my wife what I would like to order, implying I am totally incapacitated by my disability.
When I talk to a group I always drop a piece of paper on the floor. Ninety-nine percent of the time someone moves to pick it up for me. My wife usually intercedes to stop them. When I’m ready, I pick it up using my paper-pick-up tool. I drop a bottle of soda, a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, a book and one by one pick them up; in public schools the audience usually applauds. I tell them these are not tricks but rather ways that I have developed to function independently. I like to say disability does not mean inability. People need to understand that members of the disabled community are not totally helpless. And members of the disabled community need to remember people offering to help only have the best of intentions. So remember to tell people, “If I need help I’ll ask.”
Tags: ability, attitude, control, living, quadriplegic, wheelchair
Behavior, Community Inclusion, Disability, Education, Living with a Disability, Observation | Rich Fabend | 
March 22, 2011 1:35 pm | 
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Before Halloween my wife informed me that stores were already beginning to display Christmas items. We have yet to celebrate Thanksgiving and the majority of the advertisements on television are related to Christmas. I believe retailers are rushing us to Christmas to increase their chances to make a profit. I feel very strongly the Thanksgiving holiday gives us an opportunity to realize how fortunate we really are. I tell people from the minute I had struck the bottom underwater I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
The grandchildren alway bring us joy
Travis Roy has said “There are times in our lives when we choose our challenges and other times when challenges simply choose us. It is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become.” Years ago a psychiatrist asked me to identify as many positive things, as I could, that resulted from my accident. After a great deal of thought the only thing I could come up with was that I had met some wonderful people. As I think about the question today I realized that there are many things that I really do have to be thankful for. I have been given a second chance at life. (I had no pulse when I was brought on the beach). Marge, my wife of 46 years, and family have stood by me every step of the way. Everyday Marge goes out of her way to help me enjoy quality of life. My nurses are always willing to go the extra mile. I have many friends who give of their time to help me do the activities I love. I have surprisingly good health. I have learned more about human nature and the power that exists within the human mind. I have wonderful memories that I am able to revisit. I have been able to continue being an educator and, I hope, help others to deal with the challenges they face. The kindness that is in others has become very evident to me. When we watch the news we often are led believe that there is much evil in society in general but I know that is not true. Finally, even though I am in a chair I have much freedom and opportunity. So, don’t allow yourself to be rushed to Christmas without stopping to realize what you have to be thankful for.
Friends helping me to go kayaking
Tags: ability, attitude, control, Disability, lifestyle, living, quadriplegic
Behavior, Disability, Education, Health, Living with a Disability, Observation, Reality, Relationships, sensitivity | Rich Fabend | November 19, 2010 2:15 pm | Comments (0)
Both of my nurses have children graduating from high school this year. My primary nurse has been with me for almost 11 years now. Her children are almost like grandchildren to my wife and me. It is her son Devin who’s graduating. When he was young we used to play together. Over the years he has done work around our house, has stayed with me overnight when my wife was away (we call it Adult Sitting) and I’ve watched him grow up. He is a fine young man, as well as a good soccer player and I’ve seen him play a number of times. Devin will be going into the United States Navy, after graduation, and will train to be corpsman.
I’m envious! He’s young and I’m old. He’s got his life ahead of him; most of mine is behind me. He’s fit and I am not. I want to be him, young, healthy, virile with so much to look forward to. Just the other night I was thinking it is too bad life doesn’t begin at old age and go backward to childhood. However, wishing and daydreaming isn’t going to change my situation. But what it does do is help me look at my life and put things in perspective. People come and go every day and little changes in the grand scheme of things. All this is wishful thinking, I guess, but the reality is only the earth goes on. It reminds me of part of the Serenity Poem which was stuck on a bulletin board in the kitchen at my best friend’s house.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. *
*Reinhold Niebuhr
So, all things considered, what is the lesson to be learned? Deal in reality, enjoy your life as it is, change what you can and take time each day to smell the roses. We are not here very long so we should make the best of our situation.
Senior Year 2010
Senior Year 1961
Years ago, shortly after my injury, I saw an episode of NYPD Blue where the police were questioning a former drug dealer who was confined to a wheelchair as the result of a drive-by shooting. They were threatening to put him in jail and he told the officers you can lock up my body but you can’t imprison my mind. I realized the relevancy of that statement to my situation. If we choose to accept that premise, then we empower ourselves to use the freedom that exists in our minds. I was involved in the martial arts for a number of years prior to my injury. The Grandmaster of the association used to say Karate was 90% mental and only 10% physical. There was a great deal of emphasis on the mind-body connection. It seems for some reason Western Civilization separates the mental and physical aspects of an individual. Eastern Cultures seem much more aware of the total being and much more inclined to deal with a person in a holistic way.
More professionals in this country are beginning to utilize Eastern techniques such as meditation, acupuncture and yoga in a holistic approach to better heath. Many Olympic caliber athletes are including imaging, also know as visualization, as part of their training. Thomas W. Morris, a motivational coach and president of Washington, D.C. based Morris Associates (www.morrisdc.com) writes in FOCUS “Visualize success. Want to achieve a certain goal? Take time to visualize yourself reaching that goal.” Why would we believe only athletes can benefit from these techniques?
Brian Mac is a Level 4 Performance Coach and Coach Tutor/Assessor with UK Athletics, the United Kingdom’s National Governing body for Track and Field Athletics. Brian writes on his website “They (the participants) should see themselves enjoying the activity and feeling satisfied with their performance. They should attempt to enter fully into the image with all their senses. Sight, hear, feel, touch, smell and perform, as they would like to perform in real life.” www.brianmac.co.uk/
You can use your mind to help you enjoy yourself. Oden Black’s latest steamy Blog on ThisAbled.com is a perfect example of this idea. If there are activities that you once enjoyed that you are unable to participate in now, try revisiting them again with mental imaging. While this may seem a little offbeat in the beginning, remember practice makes perfect. You can use your mind to free yourself of the constraints placed on you by your disability. To change a very common phrase just a little bit, “Your mind will set you free”. One imaging activity I enjoy is to put on my poncho and sit outside in the rain with my eyes closed. The sound of the raindrops on the nylon almost immediately takes me back to my wilderness trips when the rain would confine me to my tent or to waking in the middle of the night to the sound of the rain on my tent. Nestled in a warm sleeping bag, or in this case my poncho, listening to the rain brings on a feeling of serenity and that all is right in the world. I am treated to a “memory flood” of some of the best times of my life.
Letting the rain take me away
A rainy day on Grass Pond in 1989
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