In the 1980s, during the summer, I was an instructor for State University of New York College at Cortland for their 2 week Outdoor Practicum a course required for all Recreation and Leisure Studies majors. The students stayed at Camp Huntington on Raquette Lake in the Adirondacks which is owned by the College. During the first week students were taught outdoor skills they would use the following week. When the instruction was finished students were placed into groups of 8 to 10, assigned a staff member and then taken on a 6 day wilderness experience where they used the skills they had learned. Travel was almost always by canoe, portaging between lakes.
One summer I had a young woman assigned to my group who was legally blind. Prior to our trip she and I met privately to discuss what her expectations were for the experience. I had noticed while we were in camp she could be very defensive and abrasive at times when others tried to assist her. I felt she failed to grasp that they were only trying to help. She was very upfront with me about being allowed to do things herself. We agreed that I would not step in to help unless she asked for assistance. In return, she promised to do whatever I asked of her immediately and without hesitation. There were some potentially dangerous pitfalls on the route where immediate compliance might be necessary for safety.
The trip we devised would incorporate an opportunity for her to use as many of her senses as possible. We climbed down to Raquette Falls so she could feel the spray from the rapids on her face and listen to the roar of the water. We climbed a mountain called Ampersand near Middle Saranac Lake. The climb is very demanding and lasted several hours even for able-bodied individuals. The trip proved to be a great success and I remember to this day her telling me on the summit of Ampersand, “Now I know I can anything if I put my mind to it.”
The group on the top of Ampersand
How ironic that I now find myself in the same situation with people often offering to help me do whatever it is I’m trying to do. It’s been my observation almost everyone’s gestures are well intended. Most want to convey their empathy, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that. They don’t realize their effort could be misinterpreted as, “I don’t think you can do things for yourself”; for example, when a waitress asks my wife what I would like to order, implying I am totally incapacitated by my disability.
When I talk to a group I always drop a piece of paper on the floor. Ninety-nine percent of the time someone moves to pick it up for me. My wife usually intercedes to stop them. When I’m ready, I pick it up using my paper-pick-up tool. I drop a bottle of soda, a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, a book and one by one pick them up; in public schools the audience usually applauds. I tell them these are not tricks but rather ways that I have developed to function independently. I like to say disability does not mean inability. People need to understand that members of the disabled community are not totally helpless. And members of the disabled community need to remember people offering to help only have the best of intentions. So remember to tell people, “If I need help I’ll ask.”
Tags: ability, attitude, control, living, quadriplegic, wheelchair
Behavior, Community Inclusion, Disability, Education, Living with a Disability, Observation | Rich Fabend | 
March 22, 2011 1:35 pm | 
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It’s estimated that approximately 10, 000 individuals suffer permanent paralysis from spinal cord injuries (SCI) every year in the United States. While most are ordinary citizens sometimes it happens to well-known celebrities like Christopher Reeve. Reeve, a famous actor, was probably best known for his role as Superman in a number of movies in the late 1970’s. Reeve’s fall from a horse in 1995 left him a quadriplegic. As an activist for SCI he brought much attention to this condition. He died in October 2004.
Christopher Reeve and I have several things in common besides quadriplegia. Although uncommon we, both had very little atrophy as a result of our paralysis. In the 12 years since my own accident I have lost only three quarters of an inch off my calf muscles. Another thing we had in common is that neither of us had ever dreams with ourself in a wheelchair. The only exception for me was one night, after a very nerve-racking out of control situation during the day that really scared me. Excluding that single time, I live in two worlds; the reality world where I am physically confined to my wheelchair and the dream world where I am free of any constraints. Many mornings I wake with pleasant memories from my night’s sleep. The dreams are extremely vivid and realistic, filled with physical activities rooted in my pre-accident life. I am often running through open woods pursuing a turkey I hear in the distance. (I am an avid hunter) At times I’m riding my bike at a frantic pace feeling the wind on my face. Other times I am swimming in the Hudson River where I grew up as a child. Recently, I dreamed I was lost in a large construction site which was more like a maze than anything else. Frantically I tried to get out; running, jumping over obstacles, climbing and even lowering myself over walls and then dropping to the ground. My dreams seem so realistic that often I am disappointed when I have to get up and “change” worlds.
Reality
As I’ve grown older I have begun to think more frequently about dying. I don’t consider myself a religious person but rather more of a spiritualist. For a Christmas gift I received a CD of Christmas music by Annie Lenox. Besides the moving song Universal Child I found a wonderful explanation of her personal religious beliefs in the jacket lining. She wrote:
“While I don’t personally subscribe to any specific religion, I do believe that the heart of all religious faith has to be rooted in love and compassion, otherwise it serves no purpose.
For me, the word ‘Christ’ represents the sacred and mysterious divinity of life… this could just as easily be ‘Buddha’ or ‘Allah’.
The words from the Bible, the Torah, or the Koran are too often misused to justify viewpoints that oppress defy or create discord rather than engendering empathy, harmony and respect for each other, accepting and embracing our differences, whilst realizing that we are all human with the same strength and weaknesses.”
Friday night I had another very vivid and physically active dream. I was running and climbing in a beautiful fall woods. I was with two neighbors from where I used to live. I could hear the leaves crunching under our feet as we ascended the hill. Periodically, we would stop at a clearing in the woods to look at the beautiful vista that was open before us. My friends were much younger than I was and so I was constantly trying to catch up. When I did, we would stop, talk, drink some water and then we were off again. After a while I became aware of a buzzing noise which seemed very out of place. I realized it was my wife’s alarm clock; and slowly and very reluctantly I began to return to my other world. I have no personal belief in heaven or hell but I spent the better part of the morning thinking how wonderful it would be if the process of death could just be the Crossing Over from my reality world to my dream world.
Dream World
Before Halloween my wife informed me that stores were already beginning to display Christmas items. We have yet to celebrate Thanksgiving and the majority of the advertisements on television are related to Christmas. I believe retailers are rushing us to Christmas to increase their chances to make a profit. I feel very strongly the Thanksgiving holiday gives us an opportunity to realize how fortunate we really are. I tell people from the minute I had struck the bottom underwater I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
The grandchildren alway bring us joy
Travis Roy has said “There are times in our lives when we choose our challenges and other times when challenges simply choose us. It is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become.” Years ago a psychiatrist asked me to identify as many positive things, as I could, that resulted from my accident. After a great deal of thought the only thing I could come up with was that I had met some wonderful people. As I think about the question today I realized that there are many things that I really do have to be thankful for. I have been given a second chance at life. (I had no pulse when I was brought on the beach). Marge, my wife of 46 years, and family have stood by me every step of the way. Everyday Marge goes out of her way to help me enjoy quality of life. My nurses are always willing to go the extra mile. I have many friends who give of their time to help me do the activities I love. I have surprisingly good health. I have learned more about human nature and the power that exists within the human mind. I have wonderful memories that I am able to revisit. I have been able to continue being an educator and, I hope, help others to deal with the challenges they face. The kindness that is in others has become very evident to me. When we watch the news we often are led believe that there is much evil in society in general but I know that is not true. Finally, even though I am in a chair I have much freedom and opportunity. So, don’t allow yourself to be rushed to Christmas without stopping to realize what you have to be thankful for.
Friends helping me to go kayaking
Tags: ability, attitude, control, Disability, lifestyle, living, quadriplegic
Behavior, Disability, Education, Health, Living with a Disability, Observation, Reality, Relationships, sensitivity | Rich Fabend | November 19, 2010 2:15 pm | Comments (0)
Going..
When I woke up this morning at a quarter of six the temperature outside was 27°. Even though it is May 10th you have to expect the possibility of this kind of temperature when you live in northern New York. My nurse arrived around six and the day began. I was ready to roll a little after eight o’clock but was delayed because of a problem my nurse had loading my shotgun. Bundled up in camouflage, my wife and I finally headed out of the house. I’m fortunate to be able to hunt across the street on a large area of abandoned farm land. I motored down the driveway, across a field, down an abandoned road and drove into the field to the place where I was going to hunt. At the edge of the field I back into an area of small trees and brush. One must blend in with the surroundings because turkeys have excellent vision and can spot anything out of place. Marge helped me with some final adjustments, covered my head with camouflage netting and left. Fifteen or twenty minutes after she left intermittently I began calling the turkeys. Turkeys call back and forth to locate each other during the mating season. Although it was cold with a brisk wind, it was a beautiful sun shiny day. Back in the hedgerow there was little wind and it wasn’t long before I could feel the warm rays of sun on my face.
going...
After a while I became aware of a bird jumping around from branch to branch. A minute or two later it landed on my shotgun barrel and stayed for about 30 seconds. It was Black-capped Chickadee. They are cute and entertaining little birds. I glanced at its feet gripping the barrel of the shotgun. How can anything be so delicate? Even though we can have brutal winters, Chickadees are year-round residents. After it flew off I called a couple more times. Slowly my eyes began to close and I nodded off in the warm sunshine. When I awoke again the grass in the field was bending in the wind, as were the trees and bushes directly across from me, every shade of green rocking in the wind. I heard the raucous call of a crow. It kept repeating and each time after it was done I listened intensely for a gobble that never came. Often in the early spring during the mating season male turkeys will gobble when crows are calling. Again I became aware of movement in the bushes around me. This time it was a pair of Wood Thrushes who were also involved with the spring mating ritual. They have one of the most beautiful calls of the early spring morning but these two had other things on their mind.
gone
Sitting in the warm sunshine calling, nodding and watching, the morning passed quickly. I soon heard my wife’s voice as she arrived to walk me home. The hunting time ends at noon each day and Marge insists on walking me back home. Tomorrow is another day. Oh, by the way, I didn’t see or hear any turkeys, but it was only noon and I had already had a quality day. At one point during my recovery I never thought I would enjoy a day like this again.
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