The Gift

Marge, Bosco and Foxy

Last week my wife brought home a very special gift. It was a gift of unconditional love for everyone one who lives in our home.  The gift was a 3 month old Bassett Hound from the SPCA.  His name is Bosco. We have always had a dog and very often more than one. However, since my “accident” we have only had one, a lovable mutt named Foxy. We got Foxy about eight years ago after finding out service dogs could cost anywhere between $15,000 and $18,000. I believed it would be possible to train her to pick things up for me, but Foxy had different ideas about what she was going to do. Picking things up was no problem for her, but then she wanted to play her favorite game tug-of-war for which I was no match. She went to, but flunked out of, obedience school. Foxy is a free spirit and we did not wish to destroy that characteristic, so we discontinued with the training. Foxy owns us and she knows it; and so our life went until about a year ago.

Marge decided Foxy was lonely and needed a playmate. The debate went on for over a year, Marge trying to come up with rational reasons and me trying to put the folly of the whole thing into perspective. Given the extra demands placed on Marge by my quadriplegia, I thought it totally wrong to bring into the family another member who would require even more of my wife’s attention. Two weeks ago the scales were tipped in favor of getting another dog. Our neighbor’s brought home a second dog, a cute puppy which looked like a St. Bernard. Foxy when to the edge of her range and barked and whined. The decision was made.   

Saturday morning Bosco arrived. We were anticipating an adjustment period of days, if not weeks, but to our surprise it was hours. Foxy’s playful nature and maternal instincts quickly got the best of any reservation she might have had. I guess I could say the same thing for Marge. I must digress for a minute here. For several weeks prior I had been locked in a battle with Medicare and our secondary insurance company over a repair issue with my wheelchair. After a week or two I was totally frustrated. It was affecting me physically and mentally, and I was strung pretty tight.

Foxy quickly decided Bosco was going to make a great playmate and proceeded to test the theory for several hours.

Don’t Rush To Christmas

Before Halloween my wife informed me that stores were already beginning to display Christmas items. We have yet to celebrate Thanksgiving and the majority of the advertisements on television are related to Christmas. I believe retailers are rushing us to Christmas to increase their chances to make a profit. I feel very strongly the Thanksgiving holiday gives us an opportunity to realize how fortunate we really are. I tell people from the minute I had struck the bottom underwater I am one of the luckiest people in the world.

The grandchildren alway bring us joy

Travis Roy has said “There are times in our lives when we choose our challenges and other times when challenges simply choose us.  It is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become.”  Years ago a psychiatrist asked me to identify as many positive things, as I could, that resulted from my accident.  After a great deal of thought the only thing I could come up with was that I had met some wonderful people. As I think about the question today I realized that there are many things that I really do have to be thankful for. I have been given a second chance at life. (I had no pulse when I was brought on the beach).  Marge, my wife of 46 years, and family have stood by me every step of the way. Everyday Marge goes out of her way to help me enjoy quality of life. My nurses are always willing to go the extra mile.  I have many friends who give of their time to help me do the activities I love. I have surprisingly good health. I have learned more about human nature and the power that exists within the human mind. I have wonderful memories that I am able to revisit. I have been able to continue being an educator and, I hope, help others to deal with the challenges they face. The kindness that is in others has become very evident to me. When we watch the news we often are led believe that there is much evil in society in general but I know that is not true. Finally, even though I am in a chair I have much freedom and opportunity. So, don’t allow yourself to be rushed to Christmas without stopping to realize what you have to be thankful for.

Friends helping me to go kayaking

Who Killed Tyler Clementi?

By Javier Robles

America is becoming the country we use to point fingers at, a place were intolerance of others is commonplace. Where we do not think twice about using someone’s sexuality or sexual preference for our own comic relief. We put people like Rush Limbaugh on a pedestal and go out of our way to make a point of showing what we don’t like about other people. As the polarization of these “United States” continues so will tragedies like the suicide of Tyler Clementi a freshman at Rutgers University. Tyler was outed as being gay after his roommate Dharan Ravi, and Ravis friend Molly Wei, taped him and another man engaging in sexual acts. Rhavi and Wei face invasion of privacy charges, and may also be charged with bias intimidation. Tyler, however, will never see justice served as his body was found floating on the Hudson, September 29th, according to the Wall Street Journal. The 18 year old’s last message to the world posted September 22nd, on Facebook, read, that he was going to jump off the George Washington Bridge.

This young man saw no other way out but one, suicide, why? Because many times we learn from our parents, clergy, media, family and “Friends” that being gay is bad. It is not “normal” and in the religious case, “it is a sin against God”. We as a society tolerate intolerance. We sit back in the house of the lord while a person of this Earth riles on about the sin of being homosexual. We tolerate the imposition of laws and lawmakers who believe they can legislate sexuality, morality and personal choice. In fact, we leave the television and radio on while the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Pat Buchanan educate our toddlers about hate and fear mongering. These same people also lambaste certain television shows as too violent, sexual or “non-American”. There is an indifference towards those not in the mainstream, the gays, disabled, immigrants, and poor. Yet, we tolerate!

It is this tolerance for ignorance and intolerance for people different from us that should have the spotlight shined on it. Do not get me wrong, the two perpetrators in this incident Ravi and Wei, deserve what ever is coming to them. However, we deserve a collective blame. Parents, who allow their child to believe it is all right to dislike others, simply because “they are not like us”. Pastors, who preach love in one, breathe only to stigmatize and hate in the other one. Politicians, so afraid of their base or blinded by their “family values”, that they cannot open their mouth against legislation or laws that continue to oppress our men and women in uniform. Media, that promotes hate like a sporting event, that actually pay commentators to profess their dislike of (according to them) those so morally corrupt that they cannot possibly be “Real Americans”.

It is our tolerance of anti gay, racist, anti disabled and lack of empathy for the poor in this country; that make, a bright young man like Tyler, think the only solution to his sexuality is death. That is a low-point in our Countries history. Just like the murders of Mathew Sheppard in Texas, Frank Rodde’s in Chicago, and Jorge Steve Lopez Mercado in Puerto Rico; were all committed by others, we just supplied the ammunition.

For more information on organizations and websites providing services and positive messages on gay issues visit:

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
http://www.thetaskforce.org/

Gay Men’s Health Crisis
http://www.gmhc.org/

GLBT National Help Center
http://www.glnh.org/

To Talk to a Live Person

GLBT National Hotline
1-888-843-4564

GLBT Youth National Hotline
1-800-246-7743

Struggling

I have not written in a while because I have been struggling for several months with a significant health issue which has resulted in a high level discomfort during most of my waking hours. After the initial adjustment to my disability, I felt as though I was successfully handling most issues most of the time and adapting to the circumstances I found myself in. Currently, the ability to place things in perspective and reassert control over my situation has escaped me. I have become depressed, frustrated and withdrawn compounded by my seeming inability to gain control over my emotional state. I know the power to deal with this challenge is within me, but I have been unable to tap into it. We are still at the point where we are trying to identify the possible cause or causes of what is taking place. Early next week there should be a clearer picture of what is going on and what options are available to rectify the matter.

 This situation is an almost constant reminder of what my disability means. None of the possible solutions are very desirable. I find myself slipping into a spiral of self-pity which does nothing to help the situation. The almost constant physical discomfort makes marshaling my mental strength to fight this challenge extremely difficult. The fact that I have been extremely healthy over the last 11 years does not help matters either. Naively, I had done little to prepare for additional health problems. I feel compelled to write this blog so people understand the struggles most of us with major disabilities experience on a constant basis. I have likened the situation to a juggler keeping a number of balls in the air, and as more balls get added. It becomes more and more difficult to maintain the skill.

Turkeys

 On October 1st turkey hunting season begins, and I am hoping that this endeavor will occupy my thoughts and mind and will help provide me with an avenue for gaining better control. The turkeys and deer I hunt do not care that I am in a wheelchair and it is irrelevant to the game that I use my mouth to fire my gun. All they know is that I am another predator and that is all I want. Interestingly, this morning 13 turkeys showed up in my backyard to feed at the birdfeeders. I will take that as a good omen for developing a more positive outlook. By the way I never hunt these birds.