All We Are

Living It Up

A while ago I saw Milery Cyrus (aka Hanna Montana) being interviewed on Good Morning America about a photo shoot she had done which was appearing in some fashion magazine. To her credit she talked about the two hours of makeup preparation prior to the shoot and the airbrushing that was done to the photos afterwards before they were ready for the magazine. She concluded by saying this process would make any individual look beautiful and sexy. This was quite a mature, candid and astute observation for such a young woman. During my 34 years of teaching I was constantly trying to help students see themselves in a more positive light. When we are subjected to negative interactions in our daily lives we tend to wonder what is the matter with us. When in reality, we should be thinking what’s wrong with the other person. We are bombarded daily with messages of what the ideal image and lifestyle for us should be. Few, if any of us, can live up to these unrealistic expectations. The majority of people seem to be less than satisfied with their physical features. This is very evident when we look at the rise in cosmetic surgery over the past few years. As Oden Black pointed out in his last blog Love You. Love Me! “We look in the mirror and see deficiencies, which are compounded by everyday negative comments and messages we receive from those around us.” Our society worships youth and perfection. How many times have you turned on the television or opened a magazine to see a celebrity who has had so much plastic surgery they are hardly recognizable. There is an additional obsession for many people to look young and in shape, and many individuals take the shortest and quickest methods available to achieve this goal such as liposuction or dangerous fad diets. If I paraphrase Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths we can begin to see a way to relieve some of this way of thinking.

Suffering is due to desire                                                                                                         

Trying to eliminating desire                                                                                                      

Will lead to a life with less suffering

Several years ago I was seeing a psychiatrist who asked me if I could identify any positive things that had come as a result of my condition. After several minutes of thought, I said I had met some wonderful people, but could think of no others. He then suggested to me that I no longer had to worry about vanity. What a ridiculous statement! If anything I’m more vain. In fairness to him, like most of the doctors I deal with, he had little experience with someone with my disability. The point I’m getting at here is that most people in society have hang ups about the way they look and the way others perceive them. So, as individuals with disabilities we are not as different from others as we may think we are. We would all be much more content and enjoy our lives much more if we accepted our physical selves the way we are and allow nature and the aging process to follow their normal courses.

As Matt Nathanson has written in his song “All We Are”

I kept falling over
I kept looking backward
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

‘Cause all we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real

All we are we are
All we are we are
And every day is a start of something beautiful, beautiful

Love You. Love Me!

By Odeon Black

Sexuality abounds in the media, from scantily clad Calvin Klein models who seemed malnourish, to hundreds of bikini wearing women running towards a man spraying cologne on himself.   They are all beautiful, sexual, and sexy, they ooze pheromones and more to the point they sell products.  These ads are made so that you don’t want to look away, made to keep you enticed until your sold.  But what are you buying? A product or an image of what is perfect?  The truth is many times we don’t know what we are being sold.  But often it makes us feel like we bought the underline message, they are pretty and we are not.

We look in the mirror and see deficiencies, which are compounded by everyday negative comments and messages we receive from those around us.  Bombarded by stares of public and private disapproval we forget the day we stopped feeling beautiful.  The day a simple dress made her feel like a princess, or when a pair of shoes put him “on top of the world”.  To many of us with disabilities those memories are a distant fog.  It is sexuality, denied! It is beauty unreachable! Most of all, it is self-inflicted.  Like cutting into your skin every time you get depressed, until you no longer feel the knife, but the scars are clearly visible.

I have met them.  I hear their self-disgust and see every cut in their eyes.  Society, What has thou done?   They talk to me of feeling un-loved, hating their bodies, their looks and the hand they were dealt.  The screams of pain have been real and imagined, but the suffering is constant.  The new dress has lost it’s magic, and those shoes no longer shine.

Why?  Because we grew-up, watched too much television, and actually became the person most displeased by our looks.  We devalued our contributions and our sexuality and forgot what made us beautiful.   Someone told us that our dress was not pretty and our shoes were outdated.  They crammed their negative views into our special pleasures, and we let them.  To this day we cry because we miss them, because we let them.

My theme of sexuality and disability is usually spicy and upbeat and so we will end on an upbeat note.  First, it is time to take back what is yours, your beauty, sexiness, positivity and your ability to look in the mirror.  Time to love the imperfections, which have, become knives to your soul. It is truly time to tell the negative influences, including, media, mind and “friends”, to keep their comments to themselves.  So, make a date with yourself.  Do your favorite things, and fall in love all over again with the little girl who lit up a room with her smile.  Reach deep into the well of darkness and pullout your favorite shoes and wear them.  If by chance you run into someone who tells you how ugly your shoes or dress may be, tell him or her, Fuck You!

ROLLING PROUD by Andrew Levinson

Budget Cuts Threaten the Livelihood of All Nassau County Residents

April 12th, 2010. Sadly, it could be a day to remember.

On that date, Able-Ride, the MTA-administered paratransit bus service for disabled residents of suburban New York’s Nassau County, is set to basically disappear. People will lose their freedom to go to work, to see their doctor, to obtain an education, to engage in leisure activities, and to visit friends and family. This is personal for me, I might add, as I am talking about my neighbors who cannot drive or do not have access to a vehicle of their own, due to a disability or financial constraints. 

 The MTA (Metropolitan Transit Authority in long form), which runs bus and train service for New Yorkers in the New York City metro region, is ending door-to-door parantransit service in the suburbs and is only keeping Able-Ride in existence as a connector to the fixed route bus line.  The MTA is citing large costs, as its weak excuse for the cuts.

There are those who would say that the MTA is experiencing budget crisis. They would ask why is it not the case that such people can effectively use their local fixed bus routes to stay employed and involved in their community? Firstly, fixed-routes simply do not exist in certain communities such as Syosset and Bayville, meaning that there would be no transit service at all for some county residents. Secondly, even if fixed-routes do exist, the passenger cannot live more than three-quarters of a mile away from the nearest bus route, in order to get transported to that route via Able-Ride. Lastly, even if someone is lucky enough to already be living within the appropriate radius to still have some Able-Ride service, inclement weather can be especially hazardous to the health of someone with a medical condition. 

All right, Andrew, I have a solution. Try your nearby subway. Subway use is not only a good logistical option, but it’s also environmentally-friendly.

Unfortunately, in Nassau County, there is no subway nearby. If only my neighbors had ended up in the suburbs of Washington, DC and not New York City…

After all, the Metrorail system exists in many areas outside of Washington,  it’s wheelchair accessible, and it protects against the elements outside with its underground location. Perhaps, this is why similar concerns among Washington-area policymakers, about the cost of paratransit, do not cause as much concern among local disability advocates. It’s not the end of the world in suburban Washington without paratransit service, and maybe it’s even for the best after all of the snow that piled up this winter.

I wonder what the MTA would think about extending subway service via new stops in the suburbs. Unfortunately, I think it’s safe to say that the discussion of any expensive ideas are for a later date. All I can say now is that Able-Ride is too essential to the well-being of all Nassau County residents to be cut, even in a budget crisis. Let’s remember that currently employed people would lose their jobs and everyone else could see further budget cuts due to a smaller tax base. In other words, this cut has broader-reaching effects than just those that concern Able-Ride passengers.

ROLLING PROUD by Andrew Levinson

Who’s David Cameron and Why Should We Care?

In the past, I posted about Australia’s efforts to reform its long-term care system for people with disabilities via a proposal called the NDIS. It got me to thinking: What about Australia’s former colonial master in the United Kingdom?

It turns out that Britain has been making headlines in the area of disability rights as well. First of all, David Cameron, and the Conservative Party that he leads, is ahead of incumbent Prime Minister Gordon Brown and his Labour Party going into a parliamentary election due to happen by June.

All right. So…who cares?

Well, Cameron recently lost his six-year old son to multiple disabilities, in the forms of epilepsy and cerebral palsy. (Remember Bruce Bonyhady of Australia and his sons with cerebral palsy)? Does this mean that disability rights advocates could have a strong ally in a new British prime minister next year?

Cameron would not only be inheriting a country with major economic problems that are similar to the U.S., but will also be taking the helm at a time when his political opponents in the Labour Party , in another British parallel to Australia, have been discussing long-term care reform in Britain. Britain’s universal health care system, the NHS (National Health Service), does not include provisions for home care for the elderly and people with disabilities. Would Cameron advocate for such reforms as well, with present budgetary constraints in Britain? This remains to be seen, although Cameron has already gone against members of his own party to oppose cuts to the NHS in memory of his son.

We also shouldn’t forget that Britain will be hosting the Summer Paralympics in 2012. What might a Prime Minister Cameron do to prepare and celebrate this event in the run-up to it? This also remains to be seen.  Stay tuned…