Crossing Over

It’s estimated that approximately 10, 000 individuals suffer permanent paralysis from spinal cord injuries (SCI) every year in the United States. While most are ordinary citizens sometimes it happens to well-known celebrities like Christopher Reeve. Reeve, a famous actor, was probably best known for his role as Superman in a number of movies in the late 1970’s. Reeve’s fall from a horse in 1995 left him a quadriplegic.  As an activist for SCI he brought much attention to this condition. He died in October 2004.   

 Christopher Reeve and I have several things in common besides quadriplegia. Although uncommon we, both had very little atrophy as a result of our paralysis. In the 12 years since my own accident I have lost only three quarters of an inch off my calf muscles. Another thing we had in common is that neither of us had ever dreams with ourself in a wheelchair. The only exception for me was one night, after a very nerve-racking out of control situation during the day that really scared me. Excluding that single time, I live in two worlds; the reality world where I am physically confined to my wheelchair and the dream world where I am free of any constraints. Many mornings I wake with pleasant memories from my night’s sleep. The dreams are extremely vivid and realistic, filled with physical activities rooted in my pre-accident life. I am often running through open woods pursuing a turkey I hear in the distance. (I am an avid hunter)  At times I’m riding my bike at a frantic pace feeling the wind on my face. Other times I am swimming in the Hudson River where I grew up as a child. Recently, I dreamed I was lost in a large construction site which was more like a maze than anything else. Frantically I tried to get out; running, jumping over obstacles, climbing and even lowering myself over walls and then dropping to the ground. My dreams seem so realistic that often I am disappointed when I have to get up and “change” worlds.

Reality

 As I’ve grown older I have begun to think more frequently about dying.  I don’t consider myself a religious person but rather more of a spiritualist.  For a Christmas gift I received a CD of Christmas music by Annie Lenox. Besides the moving song Universal Child I found a wonderful explanation of her personal religious beliefs in the jacket lining. She wrote:

“While I don’t personally subscribe to any specific religion, I do believe that the heart of all religious faith has to be rooted in love and compassion, otherwise it  serves no purpose.

For me, the word ‘Christ’ represents the sacred and mysterious divinity of life… this could just as easily be ‘Buddha’ or ‘Allah’.

The words from the Bible, the Torah, or the Koran are too often misused to justify viewpoints that oppress defy or create discord rather than engendering empathy, harmony and respect for each other, accepting and embracing our differences,  whilst realizing that we are all human with the same strength and weaknesses.”

 Friday night I had another very vivid and physically active dream. I was running and climbing in a beautiful fall woods. I was with two neighbors from where I used to live. I could hear the leaves crunching under our feet as we ascended the hill. Periodically, we would stop at a clearing in the woods to look at the beautiful vista that was open before us. My friends were much younger than I was and so I was constantly trying to catch up. When I did, we would stop, talk, drink some water and then we were off again. After a while I became aware of a buzzing noise which seemed very out of place. I realized it was my wife’s alarm clock; and slowly and very reluctantly I began to return to my other world. I have no personal belief in heaven or hell but I spent the better part of the morning thinking how wonderful it would be if the process of death could just be the Crossing Over from my reality world to my dream world.

Dream World

Don’t Rush To Christmas

Before Halloween my wife informed me that stores were already beginning to display Christmas items. We have yet to celebrate Thanksgiving and the majority of the advertisements on television are related to Christmas. I believe retailers are rushing us to Christmas to increase their chances to make a profit. I feel very strongly the Thanksgiving holiday gives us an opportunity to realize how fortunate we really are. I tell people from the minute I had struck the bottom underwater I am one of the luckiest people in the world.

The grandchildren alway bring us joy

Travis Roy has said “There are times in our lives when we choose our challenges and other times when challenges simply choose us.  It is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become.”  Years ago a psychiatrist asked me to identify as many positive things, as I could, that resulted from my accident.  After a great deal of thought the only thing I could come up with was that I had met some wonderful people. As I think about the question today I realized that there are many things that I really do have to be thankful for. I have been given a second chance at life. (I had no pulse when I was brought on the beach).  Marge, my wife of 46 years, and family have stood by me every step of the way. Everyday Marge goes out of her way to help me enjoy quality of life. My nurses are always willing to go the extra mile.  I have many friends who give of their time to help me do the activities I love. I have surprisingly good health. I have learned more about human nature and the power that exists within the human mind. I have wonderful memories that I am able to revisit. I have been able to continue being an educator and, I hope, help others to deal with the challenges they face. The kindness that is in others has become very evident to me. When we watch the news we often are led believe that there is much evil in society in general but I know that is not true. Finally, even though I am in a chair I have much freedom and opportunity. So, don’t allow yourself to be rushed to Christmas without stopping to realize what you have to be thankful for.

Friends helping me to go kayaking

A Failure SYSTEM

I need to find a new place to live as soon as possible.  I am living with a relative but I can’t stay for a long period.

For years I have been receiving services from the Division of Development Disabilities in New Jersey (DDD). I contact DDD regarding to this problem and I asked them for help.  Unfortunately the process is taking too long.

I mailed the following letter that to my case manager from DDD back in the summer.  They were aware of the situation before the letter was written.

On September 1 20010, my parents will be moving back to the Dominican Republic (DR). Once they leave I will not have a place to stay.   Since the DR lack of resources for people with disabilities to attend school I can’t move back with my parents.   I also have student loans to pay. Financial aid doesn’t cover my entire tuition.

Since I moved to New Jersey at age fifteen, I have accomplished a lot of goals. Months after I moved, I was placed in Cerebral Palsy Center in Clifton.  The major focus of the school was to teach the students independent skills how to prepare a meal, clean a room, count money and so on.

At that time, my mother and I didn’t have any idea of what school I should go to. I was evaluated by the child study team of the district. According to them I should attend a special school.

Later on, my mother and I got involved in an advocacy group for parents with kids with disabilities. Five years later, thanks to my mother and the parents’ advocacy group we found out that I was placed in the wrong school. I transferred to a regular high school.

But my age was my biggest obstacle. I was already 20 years old and the limit age is 21.  We requested permission to the board education

In high school I had the opportunity to improve academically. Since the freshman year most of my reports cards were “As” and “Bs.” I graduated from high school on the honor roll.

After graduation I attended Passaic County College. I started taking ESL courses English As a Second Language because my English was a little poor. I had difficulties with class schedule, homework and I felt frustrated as a result, I dropped out of college.

Then I tried to find a job. The only job that I found was working in a workshop for people with disabilities but I didn’t feel happy to be working there. I wanted to do other types of work such as computer data, receptionist or file clerk. I was told that I didn’t qualify for that type of job. A year later I stopped working at the workshop.

I went back to college to complete the courses that I needed it. I took one or two courses per semester. One of my English professors became my mentor. Thanks to my family and his support I was able to success in college. While I was there my mentor encouraged to write personal essays, poems, articles and doing translations from Spanish to English. I didn’t know that my writing skills is strong. I also completed the ESL Program and took college level courses.

On May 2009, I graduated with an associate in liberal arts. On September first I transfered to William Paterson University. Now I am communication major. Also last year, I worked as intern for the state of New Jersey.

November 2010 Op Ed Column

Op Ed
By Edward J. Heaton
November 2010 Column

The Question At Hand

In the October 2010 edition of N.J. Able, my reputation was attacked by William Ditto, ex-Director of the New Jersey Division of Disability Services. Later in this column, I will print both his letter and my reply to it, with some additional comments.

As a journalist, one is taught never to bury the lead: the lead in this case being, “Is Joseph Amoroso qualified to be the next Director of the New Jersey Division of Disability Services?” The answer, for many reasons, is no.

On top of all the other reasons listed in my previous columns, I must also relate to you what happened at the National Conference on Disabilities Summit for the 20th anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act.

I was informed on July 26 that Mr. Amoroso was attending the conference, and was looking for me. This was not a meeting I wanted to have. On Tuesday morning, July 27, I observed Mr. Amoroso in the main conference room, and purposely went to another aisle to avoid him. Within thirty seconds, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Joe, saying that he wished to have a conversation with me. I asked him if we could have it later, after the morning speakers had concluded. About an hour later, I excused myself from the session to use the facilities. Within a minute of my leaving the conference room, Joe was at my side, wanting to have a conversation.

He said that he understood that I was mad at him, but that he wasn’t mad at me. However, he was upset that I mentioned in my June 2010 column that there was a substantiated discrimination complaint against him. He felt that was “inside baseball.” Joe then informed me that the reason why he was found guilty of the discrimination complaint was that he called someone a “crip”. In the vernacular, “crip” is short for “cripple.” He went onto say — I’m paraphrasing here — Y’know, Ed, we use that term all the time among ourselves. It was just that somebody didn’t like it. The term “crip” may be slang, but do you really want a person who is going to lead the Division of Disability Services to be referring to the people he is serving as “crips?”

Whether this is the truth or not – and knowing Mr. Amoroso, it might not be – it is obvious that much like the scorpion in the fable about the scorpion and the frog, Mr. Amoroso cannot help himself. He feels the need to try to justify the unjustifiable. Again, I challenge Mr. Amoroso to come clean and publicly disclose exactly what the discrimination complaint against him was, and how it was resolved.

The other problem I have with Mr. Amoroso as the Division Director is that the process used to select him was flawed from the start. The previous director, William Ditto, handpicked the selection committee. In my opinion, this was done with the sole purpose of having Mr. Amoroso eventually named the Division Director. Mr. Ditto did not want a nomination, as much as he wanted a coronation.

While there were people with disabilities on the committee, major constituencies of the disability community were not included, such as the Centers for Independent Living and the New Jersey Council on Developmental Disabilities. I would recommend that the whole selection process be started over, this time including representatives of both the CILs and the NJCDD.

Below are the letters submitted to N.J. Able by Mr. Ditto and by myself. At the end of my letter, I will have some additional comments.

An Open Letter to Able Readers (October, 2010)

I have decided to write to set the record straight regarding a number of inaccurate statements, slanderous comments and flawed observations about the N.J. Division of Disability Services (and some of its employees) made by a disgruntled former employee.

Now that I am retired and no longer actively employed by government I feel comfortable in sharing my reactions and concerns as they relate to this individual who has used various media to attack and criticize me, certain members of my staff and the functions and priorities of the Division I formerly headed.

Let me say at the onset that I had no personal animosity toward this former employee until I was assaulted by continued negative public comments made by this individual. However, at this time I feel the need to defend my good name, as well as that of the Division and its employees. I resent having to write this letter after many years of faithful service to the residents of New Jersey with disabilities and their families. But I will not let my reputation be damaged.

First, I need to make you aware that the employee who is constantly attacking the Division was an individual hired in good faith and with my belief that this person would be a fantastic addition to our staff. I was, in the end, very disappointed to have to offer this dysfunctional employee a choice between resigning and being terminated.

The reasons for this stemmed from the fact that the employee could not handle the responsibilities of the job, consistently offered invalid excuses for substandard performance and blamed other staff members for any problems that arose. As any of you who have managed or supervised staff will know, this is not a tolerable situation in a work environment.

People have to take responsibility for their actions (or in-actions). Other staff complained to me on a regular basis about the individual.

Both the individual’s supervisor and I tried to find ways to resolve the mounting problem – but to no avail. This employee went so far as to suggest a transfer into another position, with less responsibility but with no decrease in salary, would be a solution.

When the choice was made and the resignation offer was accepted (instead of a termination), the individual set out to defame the Division, sending letters to elected officials, state government agencies and even the governor attempting to destroy the credibility and performance of the Division and its senior managers.

It was a purely self-serving vendetta against an organization that was unable (and unwilling) to tolerate substandard job performance. When all of these attacks failed, the last step was to attempt to discredit the reputation of DDS staff members – just how low can you go?

Bottom line – The Division of Disability Services offers quality services and has one of the best reputations of any state agency. Does the Division sometimes make mistakes? Yes.

Does the Division strive to do the best possible job it can under the constraints a government agency faces? Yes, it does. Can the Division improve? Yes, but only with constructive, informed criticism – not the destructive, angry insults it has received from a disgruntled former employee who lost a job based on poor performance.

Letters to the Editor, November, 2010
This letter is replying to Mr. William Ditto’s letter in the October edition of New Jersey Able.

It is regrettable that, in his first public comments post-retirement, Mr. Ditto has chosen to write about me. At a time when he should be stopping to smell the roses, he has instead made a detour into his garden to fling some compost in my direction.

Instead of trading barbs with Mr. Ditto over his opinion of my work habits, I choose to stick with the facts. In his missive, Mr. Ditto said that I wanted to take a lesser position with the same salary. That is a lie.

When Mr. Ditto came to me with his “resign or be fired” ultimatum, I made two suggestions. The first one was that I trade positions with another employee. That much is true. However, I offered to switch both positions AND salaries with the employee in question, who earned less than I did. When Mr. Ditto rejected my suggestion of switching positions, I then offered to remain in my current position for two-thirds of my salary. Mr. Ditto also rejected that proposal out of hand.

Mr. Ditto claims that I was “attempting to destroy the credibility and performance of the Division and its senior managers.” In fact, the only program I called into question was the Information and Referral program, and the only manager I mentioned was Joseph Amoroso (now Acting Division Director).

Mr. Ditto made a point of stating that I wrote to the Governor. Oh, the horror! I did exactly what any other private citizen would do who had questions about how a portion of the Division was run.

Mr. Ditto also claims that I tried to discredit Mr. Amoroso’s reputation. I assume he is referring to the fact that I mentioned that Mr. Amoroso has at least one proven discrimination complaint against him (http://www.state.nj.us/csc/msb/09/pdf/21109m.pdf.). (Case # B-96.) This is a fact, not opinion. I challenge Mr. Amoroso to come forward and admit exactly what the substantiated act or acts of discrimination were.

My email column, where these issues were discussed, only reaches about 2,100 people. New Jersey Able reaches many times that number. If there was a scale for character defamation, Mr. Ditto’s letter far surpasses anything I have written. In fact, Mr. Ditto’s whole letter is an example of the old political technique of “If you don’t like the message, shoot the messenger.”

Even after all this, I still wish nothing but the best for Mr. Ditto. He has earned the right to have a long and happy retirement. Unfortunately, his choice to air his dirty laundry in New Jersey Able does self-inflicted damage to his reputation. Nothing I could ever write could stain or tarnish his legacy.

As General Douglas MacArthur once said in a famous speech to Congress, “Old soldiers never die; they just fade away.” So should retired division directors.

Mr. Ditto said that he had “no personal animosity toward this former employee until I was assaulted by continued negative public comments made by this individual.” That is untrue. Shortly after I left, I wrote Mr. Ditto an email asking for recommendations for jobs that did not involve administration, such as public relations, marketing, etc. Mr. Ditto flatly refused, stating that he could not recommend me for any jobs because he felt a recommendation by him of me would damage his reputation. Mr. Ditto said that my job performance was the worst he had seen in thirty-five years as an administrator. This email was written by him fourteen months before I started writing about the Division of Disability Services in March 2008.

Mr. Ditto seems quite concerned and thin-skinned about his reputation. One of his catch phrases when I worked for him used to be, “Don’t they know who I am?” Yes, Bill, they know who you are. Unfortunately, they now know what type of personality you have: a vindictive one.

Mr. Ditto accused me of “attempting to destroy the credibility and performance of the Division and its senior managers.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Most of the people in the Division do a fine job of implementing innovative programs that Mr. Ditto should receive proper credit for creating. I find it sad that after all of his many accomplishments, he feels the need to attack me to defend his reputation.

In the four years since I’ve left the Division, my personal phone number and email have not changed. If Mr. Ditto was at all upset by anything I had written, he could have picked up the phone or written me an email at any time. He chose to attack me instead.

The scale of defamation I mentioned in the letter is approximately 8 to 1. N.J. Able, according to their circulation statement, is sent to over 16,000 readers every month.

Finally, I have one last question for Mr. Ditto: Does he really want to be known as his generation’s version of Ethan Ellis: a person who cannot retire gracefully and stays too long at the party? By his actions, Mr. Ditto also threatens to become an “old man who yells at cloud.”

Mr. Ditto has done many things in his life that I respect. His letter to N.J. Able was not one of them.