Going Where You Can’t Go

Years ago, shortly after my injury, I saw an episode of NYPD Blue where the police were questioning a former drug dealer who was confined to a wheelchair as the result of a drive-by shooting. They were threatening to put him in jail and he told the officers you can lock up my body but you can’t imprison my mind. I realized the relevancy of that statement to my situation. If we choose to accept that premise, then we empower ourselves to use the freedom that exists in our minds. I was involved in the martial arts for a number of years prior to my injury. The Grandmaster of the association used to say Karate was 90% mental and only 10% physical. There was a great deal of emphasis on the mind-body connection. It seems for some reason Western Civilization separates the mental and physical aspects of an individual. Eastern Cultures seem much more aware of the total being and much more inclined to deal with a person in a holistic way.

More professionals in this country are beginning to utilize Eastern techniques such as meditation, acupuncture and yoga in a holistic approach to better heath. Many Olympic caliber athletes are including imaging, also know as visualization, as part of their training. Thomas W. Morris, a motivational coach and president of Washington, D.C. based Morris Associates (www.morrisdc.com) writes in FOCUS “Visualize success. Want to achieve a certain goal? Take time to visualize yourself reaching that goal.” Why would we believe only athletes can benefit from these techniques?

Brian Mac is a Level 4 Performance Coach and Coach Tutor/Assessor with UK Athletics, the United Kingdom’s National Governing body for Track and Field Athletics. Brian writes on his website “They (the participants) should see themselves enjoying the activity and feeling satisfied with their performance. They should attempt to enter fully into the image with all their senses. Sight, hear, feel, touch, smell and perform, as they would like to perform in real life.” www.brianmac.co.uk/

You can use your mind to help you enjoy yourself. Oden Black’s latest steamy Blog on ThisAbled.com is a perfect example of this idea. If there are activities that you once enjoyed that you are unable to participate in now, try revisiting them again with mental imaging. While this may seem a little offbeat in the beginning, remember practice makes perfect. You can use your mind to free yourself of the constraints placed on you by your disability. To change a very common phrase just a little bit, “Your mind will set you free”. One imaging activity I enjoy is to put on my poncho and sit outside in the rain with my eyes closed. The sound of the raindrops on the nylon almost immediately takes me back to my wilderness trips when the rain would confine me to my tent or to waking in the middle of the night to the sound of the rain on my tent. Nestled in a warm sleeping bag, or in this case my poncho, listening to the rain brings on a feeling of serenity and that all is right in the world. I am treated to a “memory flood” of some of the best times of my life.

Letting the rain take me away

A rainy day on Grass Pond in 1989

“Nothing Burns Like A Quad”

I looked at my nurse and asked her if she just heard what I heard? She said she did. It usually takes me anywhere from 2 to 2 1/2 hours from the time my nurse arrives until I’m in my wheelchair ready for the day. We often have the television on and watch Good Morning America, Dr. Oz and then The Doctors. Besides being quite entertaining the programs are also rather informative. The quote I had just heard was from a commercial for a local business which sells wood burning stoves, fireplace inserts, spas and pools. The statement was included in their advertisement for a line of stoves with the brand name Quadra-Fire.  Having quadriplegia myself, I am well aware that “a quad” is often used to refer to those of us with this disability.  At first I made some jokes but, as the day wore on, the statement really started to bother me. How could anyone be so insensitive? The more I thought about it, I began to realize that many people are oblivious to the special needs community. Rather than call the store and complain, it seemed to me, that it is much more important to EDUCATE society.

When I go out in public I consider myself a “Special Needs Ambassador”. I try to act that way all the time. Each of us is a role model for “our members” whether we want to be or not. The entire time we spend among the public we are being evaluated by others whether we want to be or not. If my premise is correct, then we must constantly project what we would like others to perceive about all our brothers and sisters. I believe my actions and behaviors should reflect the problems and frustrations that are part of living with a disability, as well as, how to cope with such challenges. I have no desire to be felt sorry for or pitied I just want people to see and understand the reality of having a disability.

Last week my wife and I went out to lunch. The restaurant was quite crowded and probably it would have been easier to go somewhere else, but then why should we.  I navigated through the narrow aisles which required some people to move a little and rolled up to an empty table. I am a big man and have yet to find a restaurant where my knees will fit under a table. I have a tray which fastens to my chair but causes me to stick out into the aisle a little more. My wife brings my own utensils, drinking cup and shirt protector (aka bib). When my meal came she had to help me get the burger in my hand. As I eat I will inevitably begin to lose control of a sandwich and some of it will fall on my chest.  The last portion must be eaten out of my hand because I cannot let go of it. Likewise, when my leg bag needs to be emptied we do it discreetly but do not isolate ourselves from others. Hopefully, some people will begin to realize the implications for a person with a disability.

Applying a few of the 10 Simple Principles found on ThisAbled website to this idea

Believe that you as a person with a disability are equal in value to the people around you.
• Believe that you have something society can benefit from.

• Understand that your disability makes you unique not different.

Do not let others define your goals or measure your success.
• Educate the young

I would like to modify the last principle above to include   EDUCATE the rest of society through our actions and behavior. When I was in the rehabilitation hospital I heard people referring to non disabled individuals as TABS (Temporarily Abled Bodied). We can help TABS understand that life is not as safe as many believe but involves risk and at best is unpredictable. Hopefully, able bodied individuals will begin to realize that they or someone they know could join our group at any time.

Talking to a 6th grade class

The Power of Knowing

Finishing the marathon in 1983

What attributes lie within you? Have you ever thought about that? In 1983, a few days before my fortieth birthday, I ran a marathon. For those of you who may not know, that is a race of 26.2 miles. I decided to do this because I wanted to show my 13 year old son you can do anything you set your mind to do. It just about did me in; I could not talk when I finished, but I did it. However, I never ran another marathon.

A few years after my injury, I started talking in local schools about inner strength, commitment and positive attitude.  After one assembly a young student named Tyler Kellogg came up to me and said I had inspired him, so he had decided he was going to run an Ironman Race. A traditional Ironman race consists of a 2.4 mile swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride, and then a 26.2 mile run.  It was a major undertaking for a 17 year old kid. I thought to myself “Good Luck.”  We kept in touch while he and his Dad, who had decided to do the Ironman too, were training. Neither one of them had done anything like this before. Not only did they do it, but Tyler was the youngest finisher out of the 2208 who finished the race.  Roles had now been switched and Tyler had become my inspiration. Now when I struggle to do something, I try to remind myself of what Tyler did just because he had the desire.

I have thought a lot about these two events for a long time. I have come to the conclusion that the benefit of accomplishing feats like these lies not in the accomplishment itself but rather in the knowledge that you can, when you want or need to, marshal all the physical and mental strength that lies within you in an effort to attain a goal.

We have all run our own “Ironman Race.”  The demands placed on us by our disabilities are far more difficult than the stresses and strains experienced during the most punishing athletic event. Even the most grueling challenge is limited in time (Tyler finished in 14 hours, 36 minutes, 25 seconds) and there is always the option of dropping out if need be. You cannot say that about a disability. So understand what you have already done and are doing everyday. Know the strengths that lie within you. And if you remember this you can draw upon those strengths when needed. That is the power of knowing.

Tyler helping me start kayaking again

Tyler & me at his high school graduation party

Sex Travels By Odeon Black

This blog is not about going to Indonesia, Thailand or some other exotic land to get your “rocks off”.  It is about getting them off where ever you are!  It is about the ease of “mental masturbation” like you want it.  No holds bar. So take a trip with me.  Clothing optional.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I can picture the perfect sex.  The kind that makes you want to “stay in the moment” and never leave.  Sometimes it involves the ultimate surrender, one that only a quadriplegic can provide, where my vulnerability is part of the sexual game she and I play.  She knows I cannot move, but ties my hands anyway.  She knows I will be where she left me, but commands me not to move.  She believes that I will follow her every command and understands the sexuality of my stillness.  She feels the sexual energy where she makes it, where she allows it to be – like the monks of a thousand years, her understanding is enlightened by the fact that she believes.     It is what it is, for it can be nothing else unless we make it so.  I could be a prisoner of her lust because she treats me like her other lovers.  She does not lessen my ability to be bound.

In another instance, I close my eyes and see myself in the middle of a crowded bus towards Frisco Bay, my wheelchair pressing into the folded-up seat and the heat just rises.  It is an unusually hot day for the Bay and even hotter for me, as I pretend not to notice her.  She stands so close.    Human bodies pushing upon each other in their summer wear, pressing in a careless manner and acting like they don’t realize it.  She realizes it!  Her bohemian blue and green skirt tightens as other passengers push her towards the side of my wheelchair.   I pretend not to notice, but can feel myself getting a mental hard-on to challenge the Washington Monument.  There are small beads of sweat on her neckline and they run down to meet her white tee.  Her hard nipples reveal no bra and she catches me peering at her.  She stares back, and with her fingers, brings back her dark straight hair.  I do not look away.  Then, as if we rode the bus together, she leans over and starts whispering in my ear.  Her voice is soft and her breath is warm like Redwoods in July.   She smells like incense and sex.  Her words are deliberate and meant to evoke the animal instinct in men and women.  They pour into my ear down to the tip of my dick and they dare me not to cum.

I understand how good sex is in the flesh.  However, I am captivated by the places I can go by just closing my eyes.  The scents and the taste I can have without ever leaving my space.  I fall in love and make love with people I will never meet.  I am the thought that flowed into a river of passion because I wanted it.  Where do you go when your eyes are closed?